mr. personality.

I admit it.

I'm not a nice guy.

I heard a story once that I got a lot of people so pissed off about me that they congregated and threatened that if I continued pissing them off, they'd beat the living crap out of me.

I wonder. Why'd they have to congregate in a group?

Its 4:15 and I'm wide awake. Just came from the ER to check on a patient. Truth be told, I didn't have to.

In the weird heirarchy of residency ( I don't know who came up with it, but its been like that for eons and it seems to be universal in nature) its the junior who gets to go to the ER. Like I said, don't ask me, its been like that.

But our junior has been quite tired, and I didn't have the heart to wake him up, so I went to the ER myself. No biggie.

I find it screamingly ironic. Years ago when I was a junior myself, I really hated doing almost everything. The fact that you had to run back and forth to the ER at the deepest hours of the night, while your seniors were just sleeping or watching TV. I hated it. But it seems to be an endocrinated culture. But i must admit, the distribution of man power and skills are too much if you send 2 or 3 men to do the job of one person. So I pretty much accepted that. I was a junior. It was my job.

So why am I finding it hard to do the same?

Like I said, I'm not a nice guy. In fact I'd probably be the un-nicest person there might be at a given time in the ER. Maybe some people have this glorified picture of a doctor, kind, smiling, flashing his pearly whites to greet patients, extending out his hands in efforts of a loving embrace to hold and comfort when patients are in pain and in need. And in the background, you might actually hear angels singing and the gates of heaven open to salve the pain and suffering of those in need.

Well. That doctor is not me.

Welcome to my personal little... Ok I'll stop before I do some damage.

Trauma patients at this time of the day are usually not accomodating themselves. They're complain a lot, are usually drunk, usually came from fights, or just had too much of a good time until their diapers hit the fan. Ironically they're my favorite type of patients.

I think I've developed a certain type of effeciency. I get the job done. But sometimes, I get to step on some toes. Its made me quite unpopular, but I've been toning down on the temper problem recently especially after the feedback of congregating mobs reach me.

Well like I said, I get the job done. How I get the job done is one thing. But I can't seem to answer the question, why I get the job done. I seemed to have accepted the fact that this is my job. But, there most be something more to this than being a job or getting paid a monetized monthly value to do such things.

It takes more than money or compensation to motivate me to do something. Especially if involves washing blood extremities and dealing with aggitated drunkards who take a whack at you every chance that they have.

Deep down inside. Really deep down inside, maybe I actually do care. Despite the tough man mountain exterior, there actually might be something soft and fluffy on the inside just willing to offer a helping hand to those in need.

Yeah right.

Its just me, I have a funny way of showing I care.

As I go back to the office, I notice that one of the nurses have a button stuck to her ID reading "I LOVE MY JOB."

Yeah I must admit, despite being tired, overworked, underappreciated, occassionaly non-motivated and eternally fighting procrastination, I do love my job.

Ironically bloody crazy though.